Headlines about the alleged gang rape at a fraternity house on the Cornell University campus have drawn global attention to the case, which has since become known as the “Cornell 7.” A student who was that sophomore at the Chi Phi house later filed a complaint with the university and sued the institution. Prosecutors have since reopened the case and indicated they will present it to a grand jury. Lawyers for the men involved deny any wrongdoing. The situation has sparked a worldwide conversation about sexual assault on campus, fraternity culture, and the ways institutions respond to survivors.
How a single post changed a survivor’s life
For weeks, the alleged victim only heard rumors that she was a “slut” around campus. She did not realize the horror she experienced had a name until she saw an anonymous post on an online forum about Greek life. She wrote in records of the Title IX investigation that reading that post was the first time her experience was validated and that the narrative changed from “I wasn’t a whore and that I was assaulted.” The story was first reported by student journalists, which led to a renewed focus on how universities handle these allegations.
Farrah Khan, a consent educator and survivor, read the account and felt a familiar physical reaction. Khan describes the shame of past assaults, including one from a long-time friend during a cottage weekend. That experience ended with the friend telling Khan not to tell anyone because it would “ruin the trip.” Khan internalized the blame, convinced herself it was her fault for drinking or wearing a tank top, and spent the weekend pretending it never happened. Khan now runs a national project on gender-based violence and was part of the first Gender Equality advisory for the G7.
The AAU’s 2019 national campus survey found that most students who are sexually assaulted never go to campus resources or to the police. Instead, they tell friends, family, or co-workers. In reports from schools that shared their results, about four in five women who were assaulted told someone, usually a friend. This means the first response a survivor receives usually comes from a peer, not a counselor or investigator. The Cornell survivor’s account was first affirmed not by the administration but by a stranger online, then by a roommate.
The reliance on peer networks for support creates a system where a survivor’s experience is filtered through social patterns rather than institutional care. When friends are pressured to prioritize group cohesion over a friend’s well-being, as Khan described happening at the cottage, the survivor is often left to work through the trauma alone.
A model for supporting survivors
Khan believes how people respond to a disclosure is “world-building.” Every time someone responds with care, it helps leave behind a world where men have impunity and women must comply. Khan created a model called BRAVE to teach people how to support survivors. The model is broken down into five steps: Begin by Listening, Respect, Ask, Validate, and Empathize. More than 100,000 people have since been trained in this model on campuses and in government agencies. The tool uses plain language because people do not need to be experts to support someone.
The acronym BRAVE starts with listening, which means noticing who isn’t talking. A screenshot of the Cornell story might land in a group chat, and someone might go quiet. Check in with them. Even if you are not a survivor yourself, chances are there is someone in your chat affected by sexual assault. They may be afraid to say anything because they do not know if they can trust anyone with what they are going through.
Respect is the second step. Confidentiality is supposed to protect the survivor’s choice, not everyone else’s comfort. Survivors get to choose if, when and how they want to share their story. Most college students who are sexually assaulted never report it to their school or the police, and that decision belongs to them. When researchers read through nearly 1,300 #WhyIDidntReport posts from college survivors, the reasons sounded so familiar: the blame they had already turned on themselves, who the person who hurt them was, and how the decision only got harder with time.
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Validation belongs to all survivors
Trans and gender non-binary people face sexual violence at disproportionate rates. Systemic narratives about them often target them. Men also face sexual assault. Seven percent of undergraduate men will be sexually assaulted. They are much more likely to be harmed than to be falsely accused. Stereotypes and assumptions silence men from ever talking about it.
Black, brown and Indigenous women face discrimination in the legal system and society. Days after the Cornell lawsuit, a student spoke out. She is a Black first-generation student at LSU. She says a football player assaulted her. LSU found him responsible for sexual assault and rape. The school reduced his suspension to probation and let him back on the team.
Francis went to the police herself. She says she failed both semesters of her first year. The player has not been charged. LSU says it followed its due process. Her school believed her, yet she was left to carry it alone. Institutions and adults often push a narrative onto Black girls. They say they are less innocent and less in need of protection than white girls. This starts as young as five. Georgetown Law researchers found this to be true.
Mild negative reactions to disclosure have been linked to more PTSD and depression for Black women survivors. The burden of sexual violence is not theirs to carry. Readers of social media comments often blame the survivor. They ask why she drank, went to the room, or texted the person. Hearing these interrogations long enough can make one believe the excuses.
Consent is ongoing. A person can revoke it at any time. If a person is too intoxicated, they cannot give consent. Freezing is a survival response. It is not consent. Blaming the survivor puts the onus on them. It makes them question themselves. That is what happened to the author after the conversation in the bathroom.
Shame says, “Don’t tell anyone.” Blame says, “It was your fault anyway.” Both emotions are what every survivor faces. A 2019 study of college women found that when people turned against survivors, the survivors blamed themselves more. This self-blame went hand in hand with more post-traumatic stress.
Your presence matters more than perfect words
There is always a survivor in the room. That survivor may include you. If that is you, be gentle with yourself. To Jane Doe, the survivor at the center of this story, and to the girl in the bathroom: I believe you. If you have experienced sexual violence of any kind and need help, please visit Rainn or call 800-656-4673.
